Midlife- which starts around the age of 35 and approximately lasts for 30 years- is a highly interesting and intense time of our lives. We are much more aware about who we are and our capabilities, but are pretty often challenged with several events that can impact us strongly. Learning how to handle them powerfully while staying on track requires new skills and attitudes.
Two months ago I gave a beautiful speech at a WOMEN’S HUB in Zurich event- where afterwards I was committed to showing up more regularly, to be present on videos to work from a co-working space and be much more visible on a daily basis.
Since then, I got hit by a wave of unplanned personal and family issues that required my immediate attention and a huge hormonal turmoil that hit me right back into square one.
The plans and the timing I had in mind for my business endeavour and my visibility – got all messed up and brought to a halt.
All I could do was being focused on finding various solutions to outside of business issues asap, while continuing to serve my existing clients.
My priorities shifted within a week:
Health (physical, mental & emotional) became number 1
Family became number 2
The weeks passed, and I became more and more impatient with myself.
So, handling my impatience towards myself became number 3
If you are anything like me, as a high achiever, going through unexpected events that disconnect you from your final desired destination, only makes you become more and more hard on yourself. You start beating yourself up and entertaining the worst thoughts about yourself.
I have been a champion of “self beating up” behaviour for decades.
This it’s a typical high achiever trait- but not a high performer one.
It’s pretty self destructive and starts nourishing the worst inner dialogue you could entertain with yourself.
Thoughts like: “look how much time you are losing”, “look how stupid you are” “you should be way further ahead” “ you are slow” and other ones like” others can do everything at the same time, why can’t you do it too?”
One thought after the other, with only one scope. To make the thinker of the thought, in this case myself, feel worse.
Can you relate to this feeling of inner frustration ?
How often has it happened to you that you set yourself some timeline and then life happened and several events required your time and attention- while you got more and more frustrated about the time it takes to get you to accomplish your desired outcome?
If yes, I want to lovingly invite you to revise your attitude towards yourself.
These, my dear, are the moments where you can either make it or break it.
Let me tell you one thing upfront: Big things- great goals, ambitions, and outcomes, always take much more time than planned.
Always. This is why they are BIG.
Most often the BIG achievements, will require some internal shift around either mindset, attitude, behaviour, habits and lastly identity. If they were all easy to attain, they would not be BIG, but ordinary, easily attainable goals.
In order for you to be there on the long haul that it takes to attain the achievements, you better entertain the most supportive and cheering attitude towards yourself.
Beating yourself up is the most useless habit you could entertain. Seriously, it’s the most harmful way to interact with yourself.
“Why is it important, Claudia”- you might say?” I don’t need to be nice to myself, it’s more important that I am kind to others, right?”
No- it’s not.
Your subconscious will register the words you use towards yourself and if you keep on repeating them, start identifying with them. (but this topic is for another time…)
Back to your inner dialogue.
How do you start shifting this inner dialogue of yours?
Here are a couple of questions I want you to answer for yourself and ideally to journal about.
1.Start by identifying ALL the things you did instead of focusing on what you wanted to do.
Make a thorough list, and be honest with yourself
2. In which ways are you NOT patient enough with yourself? List them out.
3. How are the above ways of NOT being patient with yourself USEFUL to you?
4. How can being more patient with yourself be USEFUL to you?
5. Ask yourself if you truly believe the answer to your last question. If you do believe it then you can start implementing some behavioural changes. If you do NOT believe it-then I highly recommend identifying the reasons for that.
Get yourself help- ask your best friend, hire a coach, talk to your sibling if you have a good relationship and be honest with them.
Without truth no good relationship can be built. Be honest with yourself.
Doing this type of work is essential for you attaining the resilience and inner support required to stay on track towards your priorities and goals.
Very often we forget about the relevance of this, but this is most often the reason why people give up or not on their big goals.
You can do that- persist in being and becoming your own greatest supporter and you will get where you desire quicker.
The only way to lose is when you give up on your dreams and yourself.
As long as you keep on going you will get there.