If you have the desire to thrive in your work, to attain better working conditions within the same position you currently hold, or to start doing something which fulfills your purpose, something that you really WANT to do, that is challenging, interesting, stimulating, that makes you grow, and that also makes you earn good money, and you don’t know how to get there, you lack one element.
Without clarity we naturally get stuck. When we are stuck it’s easy to go down a spiral of self blame and guilt.
In this moment the first thing you need is to come up with a lot of compassion and love for yourself.
Yes, I am talking about love here.
“What the heck is she talking about now? OMG, she used the fluffy woohoo word, what happened to her? Wasn’t she not the grounded ex private banker, who talks strategy?”
Yes I am the former private banker turned career leadership strategist.
And still I want to talk about love. Actually what I consider being love, has nothing fluffy to it. Love is the ACT of unconditional caring and giving having the other person’s physical, emotional, mental well-being and development as a priority.
And experiencing Self-love is doing this for ourselves.
You see, from the moment we’re born, we’re conditioned by opinions and messages about who we SHOULD be. It starts in school. They tell us how we SHOULD behave. What we SHOULD do. SHOULD want. SHOULD strive for. All of this is leaving us confused. Then, we often walk in the dark and lack clarity. Without clarity, we get stuck. And from being stuck to living in fear, it’s a very short journey.
I know what this is about, as I have gone through a huge stuck period on my own too. And at the time when I was stuck between the idea of starting to do what I wanted or keep on doing what I did not want to do anymore in an environment that did not fit me, I was stuck in fear.
For waaaay too long , because I wasn’t encountering myself with compassion and love, only with blame and fear.
When we get stuck in fear we focus on survival: We simply do the things we need to do to get through the day and to avoid pain. The pain of rejection. Financial insecurity. Failure. Judgement. We react to life as if it happened to us. Only taking action when a problem arises. Often waiting for something outside of us to change.For someone else to make a decision for us.
Where are you living from?
Fear or love?
Because if you want a different result, you might need to come from a different place.
Fear will always be there.
The external voices, opinions and messages will always be there. And it’s hard to not pay attention to them. But when we choose to come more from love, instead of living as who we think we should be, we live as who we are. And when we do that, we keep moving forward in a life that’s right for us.
When we focus on love instead, starting with self-love, everything shifts. It’s not easy to come from a place of love for ourselves, to consciously choose everyday what’s the best for us? On a subconscious level, our number one priority is to survive. Fear floods our minds as our reptilian brain tries to keep up alive.
Love, on the other hand, requires CONSCIOUS consideration. We have to CONSCIOUSLY make the effort each and every single day to ask ourselves:
Right now, what is the most loving growth-enhancing thing I can do for myself ?
And Love also requires courage. Humility. Discipline. To have those conversations with colleagues we don’t like about how we can support each other so we can all achieve our goals. To choose to believe that there are opportunities out there for us and not to focus on lack on a daily basis. To choose to believe that there are opportunities for us, even if we are not 25 any more.
It’s a difficult thing to do. But reality is, that you can do hard things.
When we choose to live our life and careers more from love, instead of living as who we think we should be, we live as who we are.
And it’s only then, when we start being more of who we really are, that we can find purpose in our lives and careers.
Choose your way. You can do hard things.
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